Mistakes in Parenting

We had kind of a rough morning this morning.

It started OK, just another morning of breakfast, baths and rushing to get everyone ready and out the door in time for school.

The problem came right as we were supposed to be leaving for school.  And of course we weren't quite ready to be out the door yet.

I was changing Mason's diaper, the kids were supposed to be getting shoes on, and I remembered that today was Friday and Cayden needed to get his homework packet turned in.

I'm supposed to sign off each day's assignments. 

Usually I try to sign them each day, but this week I had forgotten, and needed to sign them all this morning.  The same for his daily agenda.  Cayden had to pull them all out of his backpack for me to look over and sign.  His homework was in order, but I realized that I had forgotten to sign or even look at his agenda since MONDAY.

And I had missed a pretty important note from his teacher on either Tuesday or Wendesday.  Oops.

She had written that Cayden had had to sign the Red Notebook on Monday and that he was supposed to write a paper about it as a part of his homework.  He apparently couldn't find the paper and would miss recess if it wasn't turned in, and she was following up with us about it.

The Red Notebook is a disciplinarian thing; if the kids are acting up in class or not paying attention, they have to sign it.  I'm not sure what the consequences in school are when they have to sign it...

Cayden had to sign it once before, about a month ago for not paying attention in class.  I had him sign a 'contract' at home that he would work hard and pay attention in class, or he would lose privileges at home.

He seems to have been doing fine since then.

Until this week, I guess.

I guess if I had been thinking ahead this morning, I would have realized that right then, when we were already running late getting out the door, was not a good time to get into a discussion about this with Cayden.

Cayden has a very sensitive, but stubborn personality.  When he is confronted with something like this he gets embarrassed and runs off and totally retreats into his stubborness.

So when I tried to talk to him about it, he stalked off in a huff.  He rushed out the door to school, and I had to chase him down.  The girls came out, and basically Ashton and Lillian held Mason's hands and took care of her all the way to school while I was trying to talk to Cayden, figure out what he had done to sign the notebook, tell him how dissappointed I was (I know, great parenting...) and lay down the consequences, all the while having an iron grip on his arm so that he'd pay attention and not run off.

We walked all the way to school like this.  Cayden would yank away, and I'd lunge and grab him, berating him the entire way.

Very effective parenting, huh?

And I left the care of my 18-month old daughter to my 6 and 3-year olds.  Thank goodness she's not prone to running off into the street.

Once we got to school Cayden and I were about 100 feet ahead of the three girls.  I wasn't done talking to Cayden yet, so my plan was to make him sit on the bench with me, and 'discuss' the problem until he responded the way I wanted him too.  So I forced him to sit by me, on the bench, at the school entrance. I told him that I didn't care if the bell rang, and he was late, we were going to talk and then I'd sign him in tardy.

The school bell rang.  Ashton was still trying to get to the door with Mason and Lillian, so I left Cayden on the bench so that I could take Mason and let Ashton get into class.

As soon as I left Cayden, he ran into school.

Of course school-workers were all around, shepherding kids inside and they witnessed this entire debacle.  One of the ladies even told Cayden that he was supposed to stay.  Of course he didn't listen.  He was in escape-mode.

I couldn't run into the school and chase Cayden down.  Then I really would have made a fool of myself.  So I thought I'd go to the office and have them call him down so that I could finish talking to him.

Lillian was lagging behind me as I walking into school, carrying Mason.

She tried to pull the heavy outer door open, and it opened right over her foot so that the metal point of the door dug into her big toe.  Of course she bursts into tears.

I honestly don't think we can go into that school without Lillian getting hurt.  She fell and skinned her knee when we were all going to the carnival, and she did the same thing clear back last Summer when I was taking all the kids in for Cayden's Open House to meet his teacher.  It's always when I'm feeling particularly harried and have all four kids with me.

I seriously felt like I was this crazy lady with four kids and I couldn't keep a handle on any of them!

Cayden was being sulky and disobedient and I had abandoned the care of my baby to my two little girls, and then one of them got hurt because I was in too much of a hurry so she had to open the big metal door all by herself.

The only thing that would have made the scene better was if I had a huge, pregnant belly!

At least the office ladies appeared to be sympathetic to my plight.  They took Lillian and got her bandaged up and gave both girls a tootsie roll.  So that stopped Lillian's tears and shrieks, thank goodness.

After the morning announcments they called Cayden down to the office for me.  I was afraid that he'd refuse to come, but he did.  I felt so bad.  I didn't want him to have the episode ruin his day, and cause more problems.  He sat and talked with me for a few minutes.  By then both our hearts were softened.

I hope he felt better.  I hope I was able to let him know that I love him.

I gave him a hug and sent him back to class, and the little girls and I went home.

It is so hard to know what to do as a parent.  Cayden doesn't make trouble in class, he's smart and learns easily; his issues lie in not paying attention and talking too much.  He has a hard time getting himself back on task when he's been distracted.

And I don't know how to change that behavior.

Whenever we have an issue we talk about it with him, and go over why it's important to pay attention and stay on task.  I remind him every day before school to pay attention and listen to his teacher.  He says he's working hard to.  I don't know what else to do.  I hope that as he gets older it will be easier for him.

But I do know that it's not a good idea for me to get confrontational about it while we're trying to get to school.

I probably should have brought it up to him, and told him that we'd talk about it after school when we'd have more time.  As the mother, I need to be more on top of checking what my kiddos are coming home with.

I guess parents have to learn just as much as kids do.